Friday, October 28, 2005


i looked over at the empty wineglass on the table and shrugged, tipping the bottle directly to my lips to drink instead.


Yes, that is what I’ll call the shop.

Pleased with myself, I turned on my heel and went off to flush the spoiled soup down the toilet.

Finally, we were having fun.

En route to Brussels

"Laitees and gentlemeen, in case of sudden loss of hair presser, zee yellow ozygen masque will fall from zee ceiling..."

Sadly, I never had a hair presser to lose.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

dance tim dance

hang on

I'm not really sure what is going on---hang on, I'm just going to drink this olive oil...


May it never be done

May it never be done. May the olives languish forever atop your pasta. May dogs wink and italian waiters sneak round to beg a mouthful under the table - May it never be done!

The things you fear in the bushes, wet, catty and feral black, may they never call at your windows to sPOOOK--
May it never be done.

Buzz, tap, whistle, splat, tap, scribble, wiggle, there will always be work.
May it never be done.

Rain * Needs spilling *
Heart * Needs painful palpitating *
Pale turkeys * Need basting *
Need shaving *
Need legs *

But It won't get done.

As he has commanded, it is so.

Never, is a long time.

Never dreams of running with feet trapped underwater.
Never wants to flee or fly or GET THERE-
but the water and sand will Never
let go.

because he doesn't
never want to let you go.
you want the last sip of coffee so badly,
you want to end the date,
this awkward moment seems to go on forever.

dining out at cafe fear

Welcome to Cafe Fear

Vegetarian dishes indicated by (V)

NEUROSES: Big enough to share
Giant Norwegian pines
Boeing 737 planes (V)
Nimbostratus baked pink

FEARS: Warning--SPICY!
Piles of manuscripts
Half-cashed musical beans
Words and thought buds (V)
Flashing letters (V)
Bluegreen thread

PHOBIAS: Ask your server about seasonal specialties
Firey tramps and wet dogs
Wind and warm seats on the train (V)
Obsession cologne and antibiotics
Coloured nails and plastic biting
Dust in glasses and gluey food
Garlic breath and tissues
Scalp itchers on public transport
Sticky counters & haircuts
Grasshopper poo in salads
Fruits that sweat
Oiled social climbers

DESIRES: WIth whipped cream, add 50p
shitty sidewalks
pitch-pine floors
dust under doors
scuffed shoes of whores
bloody foreign wars
stinking rotten bores
dreaded sunday shores

Thursday, October 06, 2005


Kundera went on about litost, but apparently there are a few other important words that can't be defined outside a certain language.

i like the idea of this.

other favourites

GERMAN: die beleidigte Leberwurst spielen - to stick one's lower lip out in a sulk--literally, to play the insulted liver sausage.

JAPANESE: bakku-shan - a girl who appears pretty from behind but not from the front

see for more. Trust me, you need to know the 27 albanian terms for various moustaches.

no, this isn't the dawn of a new obsession. just trying to think up a name for my new concept boutique. current favourite is:

RUSSIAN: Koshatnik - a dealer of stolen cats

Saturday, October 01, 2005

What if everything in your house had eyes?