Pieces I like

Things to Bring to Prison:
1. Chic peas (one xlarge bag)
2. Vaseline
3. an Umberto Ecco book
4. Lady Grey tea
5. Scotmid loyalty card
7. Lidl rum
8. Barry White Album
9. Mirror balls
10. Golden balls
11. Voodooo dolls
12. Seashell collection
13. Unwritten envelopes
14. Slide projector
15. Cauliflower collection
16. Witch's cauldron
17. White tulips in vases
18. Torpedo rolls
19. Soft loo roll (lots)
20. Olive oil
21. soft mints
22. gold fish
23. FIshywives
24. Story books
25. Boxes of BMEM
26. The Big Bad Wolf
27. The Great Gatsby
28. A picnic basket
29. Rum
30. Toothpicks
31. HSBC bank statements
32. A fresh toothbrush
33. A sword
34. HEAT magazine
35. Tuberculosis
__

You’ll want cats to plug the gaps. Because The Chill is out there. Each person is allotted 3 potential cat-share surfaces. You can’t gain an extra surface by sitting alone, you still only have 3 applicable surfaces (lap, left and right outer thigh). For example, three sitting on the sofa would require 7 cats (do the math). We only had 1 cat in, so I ordered 6 extras to seal the deal. That’s a 2 cat savings! Save a cat, share a surface.
____

Mr. Pilaf’s chicken was responsible.
Plucky. Clucking satanic luck around his Romanian chicken group.

That chicken hated Antonio Retni.
One day they found him muttering
about Beelzebub as a bird responsible
for twelve bus accidents,
a miscarriage, missing arm,
and lost wrestling match.

Devil bird!Horned fowl beast!
Curse the peasants no more.
Pack up your feathers and fly home to hell.