can you hear me smiling in the dark?

i came home, and i lay in bed. in the dark room. with the streetlamps poking through the curtains and the sound of someone singing their way home occasionally pulling me back to reality. i smiled into my pillow in appreciation of the man stumbling and singing his way down Clerk Street. he was trying to tell us all that he had really enjoyed his night. it must be a really good nite to sing your way home.

was he looking forward to going home, and like me, lying in bed and thinking? endorphined stupor makes vivid imaginings.
the perfect time to lie in bed and listen to music.
or snack.
or think.
or do all three.
but mind you don't get jam on the pillows.

there is never enough thinking time. you inevitably pass out long before the thinking is all thought through. ideas swim past and bloom into fantastic dreams.

and knowing ALL this (and i really mean ALL because at times like that, everything you know is important, every mite of wisdom you've ever acquired helps you put the big puzzle of thought together)
... i smiled.

couldn't help smiling. it felt good to smile. i smiled into my pillow, then i turned my head and smiled up at the cieling. i even tipped my chin and smiled at the stereo in thanks for the great music it had on offer tonite (Ill Communication). i wiggled my toes beneath the covers and i smiled some more.

pOOF! there was a thought.

i said to myself, Self, i can hear a difference when i smile. if i was not the one pulling the muscle puppet strings behind this smile, i would still know that it is there. the way a bat uses sound reverberations to discern the shape of a space, i could tell by the way sounds were deflecting to my ear, that my cheeks were in a different place. higher and more taught. my dimple was engaged. things that only happen during moments of joy.

aha.

i must now test to see if one can hear smiles of others--this would be a good test. would the smile's extra distance from our ears be too much to hear the delicate differece? would each stranger's smile sound diFFERENT! (what a concept!) can we be hear any other facial gestures? or are humans not tuned to recognize any more than the two critical--smile vs. frown.

next week i will try to come home and listen to myself scowl and will let you know what happens.