this is your life in a nutshell

memories of the villagers
eyeing you up suspiciously as you bounded along, laughing to yourself, totally oblivious to cockerspaniels, rotten robbins, lush lawns and the witch on the corner.

wandering the village streets, a child constantly caught up in fantastical imaginings.
you'd have to find a way to escape.

fantastical creatures had their eye on you.
fantastical creatures were always watching. from afar
looking for bored crazy special little girls brave enough
to want fiendishly interesting lives. settling for inside lives.

the secret life of girls.
often undermined, later underestimated.
they see power in letting others think you cant.
but you know.

you know you will never be a garbage man. or a secretary.
or work in that red brick building in the centre of town across from the cinema.
next to the bank and the bowling alley.

served you well living a wholesome existence.
took aunt out for lunch after died.
shared teenage makeouts.
rolled around on the sticky floor.
never quite knew if mom saw what you kids we were doing.

a luminous career in suburbia. it was good.
you were too good to get caught.

you tell your family. they never understand.
the life they preened for. prepared to drive a few hours to see.
sent some letters to far flung stations--a few letters.
as the years wore on, the letters dried up. now only for special occassions.

after 17 addresses,
they realise you won't become a neighbour.
won't buy a duplex. or sit and visit.
their polite but loving christmas cards tell you to come home.
family ties are important.
how can you only see them every year and a half?

soon they may forget. give up. on you having a stable marriage and producing cousins. and grandkids. and neices and nephews.

you little sparkler...
you have lost.
you will always be a foreigner. outsider. always will be.