Rice for dinner
THis is what they tell me to do with my rice, things that don't make sense.
'PRawn ovens and rinsing dogs. 2-3 stirs per serving, HI BOB! Add salt if necessary.'
What? Non committal instructions? Stirs as a noun?
What is going on? They are simply taking advantage of my cooking confusion. My moment of defendency and TRUST to dole out uncontrivably humiliating instructions. Lots of conflicting commands or explicit instructions to make something that will definitely taste poor.
Because I am stupid enough.
But back to the cooking instructions.
It was Brown Rice, right? That is what we're trying to make (just realised you could book me on punctuation abuse charges tonite, sorry, blame it on the incense. too much incense. OOOH! we'e in a triple sub-conversational diversion here. OOH).
Seems simple. Only the first set of instructions I find printed upon the bag are multi-step. The first step reads 'Cook the rice according to pack specifications.'
I kid you not.
And so i move on, hoping for a less devious set of instructions. The second set of instructions I find is a grid. Explaining Heat Categories and Wattages in said chart, is a grid full of letters and numbers. I take this chart to mean something to do with microwaves. I feel happily excused from this set of instructions and move on to the third and final set (well, ok, there is still the front of the bag left, but they rarely put instructions on the front. too busy with prominent logo displays and low-carb boasts).
The third and final set of instructions are nonsense. After all the time I spent earlier doing rice weight to milliliter of water calculations so that my rice would be dry and not soggy... this set of instructions tells me to pour cold water on my rice when it finished cooking. To clean and cool my fresh and fluffy hot rice. And then it tells you to 'Make sure the rice is always piping hot before serving.'
Hang on... must go stir rice........
'PRawn ovens and rinsing dogs. 2-3 stirs per serving, HI BOB! Add salt if necessary.'
What? Non committal instructions? Stirs as a noun?
What is going on? They are simply taking advantage of my cooking confusion. My moment of defendency and TRUST to dole out uncontrivably humiliating instructions. Lots of conflicting commands or explicit instructions to make something that will definitely taste poor.
Because I am stupid enough.
But back to the cooking instructions.
It was Brown Rice, right? That is what we're trying to make (just realised you could book me on punctuation abuse charges tonite, sorry, blame it on the incense. too much incense. OOOH! we'e in a triple sub-conversational diversion here. OOH).
Seems simple. Only the first set of instructions I find printed upon the bag are multi-step. The first step reads 'Cook the rice according to pack specifications.'
I kid you not.
And so i move on, hoping for a less devious set of instructions. The second set of instructions I find is a grid. Explaining Heat Categories and Wattages in said chart, is a grid full of letters and numbers. I take this chart to mean something to do with microwaves. I feel happily excused from this set of instructions and move on to the third and final set (well, ok, there is still the front of the bag left, but they rarely put instructions on the front. too busy with prominent logo displays and low-carb boasts).
The third and final set of instructions are nonsense. After all the time I spent earlier doing rice weight to milliliter of water calculations so that my rice would be dry and not soggy... this set of instructions tells me to pour cold water on my rice when it finished cooking. To clean and cool my fresh and fluffy hot rice. And then it tells you to 'Make sure the rice is always piping hot before serving.'
Hang on... must go stir rice........
posted by Camille at 7:04 pm
6 Comments:
My advice:
Buy rice from Real Foods. Their packets don't have any instructions on.
Use a cup to measure a portion. Big cup = big portion.
Put rice in a pot with at least twice as much water and boil until rice is nice.
Drain excess water & rinse with hot water from kettle if rice is too sticky.
Eat.
Hi Kamilka
I never realised that so many blogs would show up if I did a search on something like how to cook rice. I'm still not sure how well Rice for dinner falls into that category, but I've enjoyed visiting :0) Adios Amigo.
Hi
I was searching for articles on how to cook turkey when I came across Rice for dinner, which is a bit weird really. I've enjoyed the experience but I'm not at all sure I've found what I'm looking for :0)
Just thought I'd say hello.
well, well. at least you got out pf the blog alive.
please just tell me you're not cooking lobster and cabbaget together...
B.O.F
Hi Kamilka
I never realised that so many different types of blog would show up if I did a search on something like how to cook salmon. I'm still not sure how well Rice for dinner fits into that category, but I've enjoyed visiting :0) Adios Amigo.
I have no idea what I'm doing here - I was actually looking for articles on asparagus. I guess I must have found a search engine with a sense of humor.
Still, no harm done. Just thought I'd say hello.
Best wishes
Michael
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